My Faith Is Not My Own

Growing up in a Christian home and family, I faced something I did not understand nor know how to fix. I had a faith that was not my own. My relationship with God was not personal and my own. It was the faith and relationship of my parents, family, friends, and those around me. It wasn’t something that I had built on my own.

I was saved at 4. What does it mean to get saved? When you realize that you are a sinner in need of Jesus to save you, you make a decision to turn away from a life of sin and start following God and striving to follow Him in everything you do.

I don’t know why I decided to get saved and ask God into my heart, because I don’t actually remember it, but I do know that after I got saved, I wasn’t building a personal relationship with God. Why? Because I didn’t know I needed to and I didn’t understand how to.

The worst part: I was okay with this. I was okay with this because I didn’t know what it was like to have a personal relationship with God and what it meant. I didn’t know what I was missing out on. I didn’t know how amazing a relationship with God could be, because I was living in someone else’s relationship, not my own.

But then something tested me and I began to shatter. I did not have a foundation built on God to hold me up. So I fell down and hit my rock bottom. I reached the lowest point in my life and didn’t know how to get out. I stayed down there for a while. In a hole of depression, anxiety, and sin upon sin, I made my home. I tried reaching out toward God, but as I did, my chains kept me from going anywhere. Why couldn’t I break free? Why was I stuck? Because I wasn’t trying to have a relationship with God that was personal and real. I was just trying to escape my pit.

But here I am today. I am out of the pit and happy with life. I won’t lie, when the storms come, my old home looks inviting, comforting for a while, but I know it won’t last. I know that Jesus is where I will find my refuge and strength to get through. He is the permanent solution to a temporary storm.

So if you are where I was at, saved but stuck, not having a relationship with God that you built, and wondering how to build it, here is my advice:


God listens to heart cries. He listens to us and whatever we have to talk to Him about. Prayer is not a big orchestrated speech, it is a conversation with Jesus. He wants us to talk to Him about everything that is on our hearts and minds. If you are struggling with getting to know Him and having a relationship with Him, tell Him that. Talk to Him about the desires of your heart and what you are feeling. God already knows all this (it is one of His many attributes that we discussed a few months ago), but He wants to hear it all from you. Think of it this way: if someone knew everything that you were feeling and thinking, but you never talked to them about any of it, do you have a personal relationship with them?

Dive Into God’s Word

A relationship is a two-way street. If God is going to know you, then you must also know God. So how do you get to know God? His Word, the Bible, tells all about Him and who He is. It will tell you of us His love, grace, forgiveness, and compassion. It can be difficult to understand, but there are hundreds of different resources out there to help you understand what the Bible says and who God is. We, at Reckless Abandon Ministries, did an article series about the attributes of God that I would highly recommend reading.

Talk to Those Above You and Get Advice

One of the best things I had when going through being stuck in my pit with no personal relationship with God, were those who were spiritually mature. Being able to look up to them and learn from them was amazing. I could talk to them openly and get advice that only they can give.

I pray that each and every one of you, stuck in the same spot I was or not, has a strong, personal relationship with God because it is the best thing you can have.

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